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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24968749">Fourth Time's a Charm</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/azyland/pseuds/azyland'>azyland</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Last Kingdom (TV), The Warrior Chronicles | The Saxon Stories - Bernard Cornwell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bad Puns, Banter, F/M, Humor, Implied Finan/Eadith, Implied Uhtred/Aethelfled, Implied sexual relationship with OC</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 11:21:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,481</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24968749</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/azyland/pseuds/azyland</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Baby Monk is a Ladies’ man, everyone knows it. Except his brothers.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Fourth Time's a Charm</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was loads of fun to write! Please take none of it seriously. </p><p>Thanks to Jenny for the corrections and feedback. Thanks to the TLK community for the support (and infinite late night bad puns, some of them can be found below.)</p><p>This takes place a few months after the end of S4.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>They all sit at a table in the corner, away from the door but close to the bar. Best seat to get the attention of the woman refilling the cups of ale in Finan’s opinion and no one wants to argue with him before they start drinking. The Inn is packed and it’s a wonder they even found a table to begin with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s already colder than Hel and the leaves haven’t touched the ground.” complains Sithric while blowing on his fingers like a mad man to warm them up. He takes a seat beside Osferth because it’s the closest one to the roaring fire.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ye say this every year Sihtric, yer’ just broken.” answers Finan while thumping his hands on the table to get the barkeep’s attention. “Wait until snow falls, yer’ cock will snap off. Easlwith will be happy to finally get rid of ye.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Uhtred refuses to chime in because he agrees with Sihtric, it’s way too cold already. He wiggles his toes in his boot to help get the circulation going again and sits across from Sihtric, to Finan’s left. “Are we ready to leave tomorrow?” He asks. They arrived in Aylesbury three nights ago but they only stopped in passing on their way North. No point in stalling, the horses are rested and they have nothing holding them here. He had hoped to convince Aethelfled to break her chastity vow for a last hurrah, to no avail. Uhtred was annoyed. And horny if we’re honest, but we’re not talking about that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before anyone could answer, Eadith arrives from the room upstairs they rented for the night and forces a seat between Osferth and Sihtric, she too wants to sit near the fire. “Aethelstan is sleeping soundly.” Finan smiles at her, like an idiot, and Uhtred nods.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The barmaid walks by and stops at their table with empty pitchers in her hands. She greets them with a smile and a polite “Good evening Lords. Lady” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Uhtred looks at her and as he takes her in he finds she looks familiar, yet not Aylesbury familiar.“Have we met before?” he asks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The barmaid doesn’t look very memorable. Long brown hair somewhere between curly and straight, pretty enough but not striking. Decent tits if Uhtred says so himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think so, Lord. This isn’t your first time in Aylesbury, is it? We surely met then.” She smiles disinterestedly at him but turns her eyes toward Osferth. “Hi...” Her tone is sweet as honey and her smile is far from distant now, well on it’s way to inappropriately seductive. Uhtred isn’t used to that kind of treatment, it’s puzzling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Osferth clears his throat and quietly greets her back, a faint blush creeping on his cheeks and neck. She cocks an eyebrow at him with a glint in her eyes but she straightens up, satisfied with the reaction she got “Ale for everyone, yes?”. No one answers and instead stare blankly at Osferth and the shameless barmaid. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No ale, then?” She tries again, looking around the table this time, unsure on how to proceed. She shuffles her feet and pushes her hair behind her shoulder awkwardly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This seems to awaken Finan in a blink. In the still atmosphere around their group, he smiles like someone just handed him his first born. “Baby monk! You minx!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sihtric jumps in action and extends his arm over Eadith and claps Osferth on the shoulder. Eadith herself is mortified for the poor girl standing in front of them, and closes her eyes as if she was in pain. The poor girl, Ethel is her name, doesn’t seem to mind much. She lived in Wessex before and they were always a bit strange in that kingdom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This might be yer’ chance to finally lose your pesky virginity.” cackles the Irishman in the least subtle way. Osferth coughs and hides a groan in his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eadith kicks at Finan as hard as she can and although she hurts her toes doing so, she takes comfort in seeing him grimace when it connects with his shin. “Ale would be perfect, thank you.” She says, a tad too loudly to the waiting barmaid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethel’s smile is wavering, they’re more unhinged than the usual Wessex group, but she shrugs and chuckles lightly “A virgin? That’s a good one.” She looks at Osferth one last time and throws a wink his way “I’ll be right back.” she turns around and disappears behind the bar. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Decent ass too</span>
  </em>
  <span> thinks Uhtred while she’s walking away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone stares at Osferth, who calmly looks back at them. Pure look of innocence on his face, “I don’t know what to say.” He truly doesn’t. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was a good one?” Asks Uhtred and then shakes his head. “I’m sure I know her from somewhere”. He looks pensively toward where she disappeared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was here last summer, Lord.” points Osferth hoping to steer the subject of conversation away from him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ya', she worked here last summer when our Lord <em>failed</em> to stay the Lord and Protector of Mercia.” adds Finan with his eyes squinting in displeasure. Finan does remember Ethel clearly and for a good reason. She rode him, quite vigorously, the night before Uhtred ruined all their plans of richness and glory in Mercia. Back then, he was pining for Eadith's attention but she was still destined to more than a life on the road. Since then things have changed. He can now pin Eadith to a door and have his way with her instead of trying to find a friendly barmaid to keep him company and blow off some steam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No that’s not it.” mumbles Uhtred so low that they barely hear it. Maybe she was at Saltwic, Uhtred thinks to himself. It’s a small estate without an Inn, it’s unlikely she was there. Lunden perhaps?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sihtric hits Uhtred and Finan with his foot under the table, exasperated “Are we not talking about how she threw herself at Osferth? Baby monk, why are you still sitting here? Go to her!” he cries, giving him a little push. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Osferth seems torn between amused and uncomfortable. He opens his mouth to answer Sihtric but when nothing comes out after a few heartbeat, he just closes it without saying a word. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finan wiggles his eyebrows at Osferth and Sihtric makes large arms movements emphasizing he should stand up and go chat her up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It's not what you think. She just said hi. Let’s drop it,.” Objects Osferth. Eadith nods understandingly and frowns at the 2 protesting men. Before anyone can add anything, Uhtred finally seems to tune back in the conversation, very pleased with himself. “I know where I met her, she was at the Two Cranes Inn in Winchester.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In Winchester?” Finan laughs quietly “Lord, we’re in Mercia. Since Baby Monk here doesn’t seem interested in wetting his </span>
  <em>
    <span>sword </span>
  </em>
  <span>with her,” He gestures grandly toward Osferth “let me add that I would know, we got to know one another in a room upstairs back then. If you know what I mean.” He smiles knowingly at the table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No Finan, I do not know. What do you mean?” Eadith asks with false innocence, fighting her features to remain serious. Finan’s face drops. A little fear into his Irish heart won’t hurt. Finan is a cheeky bastard but Eadith isn’t white as snow either. She met Finan when her thighs were still bearing marks from Aethelred’s fingers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The barmaid returns, before Finan can answer, with a tray full of empty cups and a pitcher of ale. “Here you go.” She drops the tray on the table and starts filling the cups before passing them along. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Could we have met in Winchester before?” asks Uhtred to Ethel, completely oblivious to his Irish friend hoping she leaves the table as soon as possible. He has some damage control to do with Eadith. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That could be” She hands Uhtred a cup and studies him in more detail. “I worked at the Boar’s Head House when I was much younger and then at the Two Cranes Inn until I moved here with my sister. She married a Mercian and I joined her family when my father passed.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sihtric sputters in his cup and chokes on his ale. Eadith pats him on the back to help the coughing fit pass. Ethel looks at Sihtric and recognition dawns on her face. “Oh I know you!” She says excitedly and does an appreciative once over of the coughing Dane.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ye do?” ask Finan in a surprised tone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethel nods and continues “Didn’t you marry… What was her name again? ” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ealswith” helpfully offers Uhtred.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She snaps her fingers and grins “Yes, Ealswith! How is she?” She asks Sihtric who still seems a bit shocked. He nods a few times before he finds his voice but only says “Good.” in an embarrassed voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh don’t worry, I’m happy it worked out between you two. It was just a bit of fun.” She winks at him and refills the cup he half emptied on the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A bit of fun?” supplies Uhtred, very helpful again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ealswith and I used to.. Work together. Sihtric was a good customer.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The table erupts in badly concealed laughter. Ealswith, now Sihtric’s wife, was a whore at the Boar’s Head House in Wintanceaster before they tied the knot. It’s a fact they often use to tease Sihtric who takes it good naturedly. None of them have a past they are particularly proud of and the banter comes with the brotherhood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was a long time ago.” She looks at Uhtred again but he is no longer smiling. He does seem familiar to her as well now that he mentioned Winchester. Perhaps an old customer from her time in Wessex? She cocks her head, trying to place where she met him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finan can smell a mile away where this is going. “Ye said the Two Cranes Inn? Uhtred, didn’t you stay there during Alfred’s reign, whenever ye were in town?” Eadith snickers when she gets the points he's making. Perhaps not all is lost for him and his redhead thinks Finan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh!” Ethel smirks too when she finally places him but Uhtred doesn’t look very amused. She senses the mood and simply clears her throat without spelling out how they met. Everyone still arrives at the correct conclusion. She knows Uhtred intimately, like she knows Sihtric intimately. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethel recalls Uhtred clearly because he was one of her last customers in Winchester. It had been right before King Alfred, bless his soul, passed away and her father had passed the next day. She left for Mercia that same week and started working at her brother in law’s Inn serving ale instead of being flat on her back. Not that she stopped all her extracurricular activities but she could now handpick her partners herself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pours another cup and hands it to the sexy Irishman. There’s not that many Irishman passing in town, Aylesbury isn’t a big town with travelers from over sea. He does sound very similar to the last Irishman she… Oh well that’s funny “You know, I remember you too.” she says when she finally recognizes him. Last summer he was boasting about being an advisor to the Lord and Protector of Mercia, which she did hope would bring her a bit of luxury if she played her cards right. No such luck and the evening hasn’t even been noteworthy.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eadith raises a knowing eyebrow to Finan and adds “She remembers you too, Finan. Long lost friend?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Something like that” quips Finan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethel catches the redhead eyes, she seems amused which Ethel is grateful for. She doesn't want to cause any trouble amongst the group. She fills the last cup of ale and hands it to Osferth. Now </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> was noteworthy.. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was a walk down memory lane.” She says with flourish to the group. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They are quite memorable men, I’m sure.” Adds Eadith hoping to soften the blow to their ego before taking a sip. They all look a bit dejected. Too much secrecy spilled out? Or perhaps it’s all of them having shared the same woman? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hum. Not that memorable.” shrugs Ethel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eadith spits the ale she was swallowing and giggles behind her hand, her eyes round with shock. Osferth is him too fighting a laugh yet looking away from the table and trying to make himself disappear. Uhtred, Finan and Sihtric are various shades of red. It’s quite the scene.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Him</span>
  </em>
  <span> however,” Ethel points to Osferth “Made me see God last night.” she sighs with a dreamy look on her face. She doesn’t remember any better man between her thighs and she had her fair share of man between them. Her neck tingles just thinking about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He…? Osferth made you see God?” asks a confused Sihtric, hardly recovered from being called a poor lover. He was barely a man back then and managed to marry Ealswith. He supposes he has improved since but he’ll confirm once back in Coocham with his wife. Just to be sure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He did.” She flutters her eyes at Osferth and looks around the table, there’s so much ale spilled. She gets a rag out and starts wiping out the mess before it attracts flies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because.. you prayed together?” Uhtred asks Osferth directly. He too is slowly recovering from the blow to the ego. He was hiding in Winchester as an outlaw back then, it was a stressful time. Aethelfled never complained, surely it was just a bad night with Ethel. Right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethel and Eadith both snickers. The silence stretches for a few seconds before Osferth finally answers “You could say that, Lord.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eadith giggles once more. “Honestly.” This evening is a disaster, thinks Finan. Although, with luck he’ll convince Eadith to confirm a few times tonight what she thinks of his prowess. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethel wipes the last drop of ale on the table and refills Osferth’s cup. “You were definitely something, hot stuff. I hope you’ll stop by next time you’re in town. I wouldn’t mind seeing God again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Osferth blinks at her but can’t help and smiles back “I try my best.” When he looks back at his brothers, he crosses his arms in front of his chest uncomfortable at all the attention. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your cup is on the house.” Ethel strokes Osferth's shoulder delicately and walks away with the empty pitcher and a pep in her step.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The table is silent for a moment while everyone stares at Osferth who’s looking at Ethel retreating. It had been a good night indeed and she had called to God a few times while he pleased her. So did he when she returned the favor. Perhaps he’ll pop in town next spring. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You made her see God?” repeats Finan, still shocked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you I wasn’t a virgin Finan!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Osferth, you sly dog!” cackles Uhtred, raising his glass.</span>
</p>
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